No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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