her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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