That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
