dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
