i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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