I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
