Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
