Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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