If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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