If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My balls are so social today.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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