you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
