yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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