The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They took my balls.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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