this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
