I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize