I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
