I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We are all done wearing pants today
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
