So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
