he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
