dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
