Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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