At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
