Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
