I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
