Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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