your room smells of hookers.
And success
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize