idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
