Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
