I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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