If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize