Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
