Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
