She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize