I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
FUCK WHALES
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
