Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
