u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
