Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Come on in and take your pants off
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