Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
