I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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