I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
