I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
