Christians are straight up FREAKS
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
