Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
