we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize