he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
