Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Quick, to the slutcave!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
