Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
