i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
