Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
