im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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