I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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