allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
