we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
