I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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