apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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