I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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