WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Randomize
