i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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