dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
