Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
