Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize