laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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