Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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