shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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