There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
