Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
