This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
