well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize