I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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