you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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