I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize