So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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