we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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