so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
