She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
