i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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