No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
