I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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