Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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