You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
