It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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